By Gaia Goldman

Mindfulness is the state of awareness that arises when we pay attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally. If you’re thinking, “easier said than done,” you’re right! The first thing we notice when we attempt to sit still for even five minutes is that the mind has an agenda of its own. Try as we might to focus our attention on an object like the breath, our thoughts take us down the proverbial rabbit hole almost immediately. Whether it’s ruminating on something that happened earlier in the day, obsessing about a problem we’re trying to solve, or dreading a crisis that hasn’t even happened yet, we’re anywhere but here, and anywhere but now.

Cultivating a mindfulness practice makes it easier to enjoy the good days more fully, and manage the bad days more skillfully. Over time, practicing mindfulness also carves out a little distance between us and the events that happen to us. This helps us be less impulsive and less reactive. We come to see more clearly just how attached we are to our opinions, beliefs and possessions, and we can more easily loosen that grip. Once we understand that everything passes — the bad as well as the good — we can bring a sense of equanimity to the vicissitudes of life.

Mindfulness is a lot of things, but it’s not a quick fix. It’s not sensational, and it’s ultimately not about doing anything at all. Slowly, incrementally and subtly, the practice changes you from the inside out and one day soon, you start noticing that you can handle difficult situations more skillfully. Events that used to be triggers no longer have the same hold. A sense of wholesomeness and well-being permeates more of life.

The good news is that you cannot meditate badly. The only bad thing you can do is not show up for it. But if you do practice consistently and with the journey in mind rather than a destination, the rest will manifest in good time. The only bad meditation is the one you didn’t do. In other words, you have to be present to win.

Gaia Goldman is a Biltmore Park resident and the #1 broker for Allen Tate/Beverly-Hanks, REALTORS® and leads a weekly meditation group.

By Sandra Bilbray

I often see memes on social media that ask: What would you tell your younger self? Dang, I’d tell her a whole heck of a lot.

What gets me as a parent of 11-year-old daughters is I’m calculating the years I have left with them at home to impart hard-won lessons I’ve learned, and it takes less than two hands to count the years remaining with both girls at home. Kind friends share, “They have to learn those lessons for themselves” while I stare at them blankly. I want to send them out into the world knowing all the things so they are prepared, but I also realize that my goal is like bowling with the bumpers up. It’s pretty lame. I can’t protect them from the pitfalls of being alive. While I may be a super mushy mom at times, I also aspire to raise resilient daughters.

So, what would I tell my younger self? I’d tell her: You found your voice early; now use it. I would tell that angry and depressed girl that she’s on the right track repairing herself from the damage of growing up in an alcoholic home and figuring out who she was in the world when she was only 24. I might even throw in, “Hey, you’re brave for seeking talk therapy so young when the adults around you are sticking their heads in the sand.”

This is what I want to impart to our daughters: Find your voice. Use it. Know who you are in the world and don’t waver. We can anchor kids to weather the storms in their lives by giving them the skills to know who they are.

Their storm might not be dysfunctional parents. It might be the weight of gun violence. Social media. The pandemic. Digital bullying. Storms I didn’t have to contend with growing up.

If I only have a short amount of time to impart lessons, I hope one is this: Anchor yourself intrinsically to ride the storm externally. I want our daughters to know reality but not drown or dwell in it. I want them to know social media can be fun and used for good, but also know many use it as a platform to present a fake world. I want them to know they should only compare themselves against who they were yesterday. I hope they learn that bullies are hurt people who hurt people and be discerning about the people they choose to be around.

If our kids don’t know how to talk about the big issues of today, we have to help. If they carry the weight of these issues without feeling understood, they may feel alone in the world. Isolation can foster helplessness or hopelessness, which often leads to unhealthy ways to cope. When we give young people safe spaces to talk, to be heard and seen, we can help them build grounded confidence. We can anchor kids with a strong sense of self and a voice to build up their own bumpers in life.

Let’s talk around the dinner table. Let’s model and talk about kindness as a strength. We can put down our phones and empower our kids with open conversations.