While working on this June issue of Stroll, my dad passed away.  He had pancreatic cancer, and it was a roller coaster of a journey.  As I sat here, about four days after he left us, working on the edits, I thought it appropriate to share some of the life lessons I gained from him and what I hope to carry with me through his stories and life experience.  He was a good dad who cared; I’m so grateful he was mine.

 

TEACH THEM THE BASICS & HELP THEM GET STARTED

When I moved out of the dorms and into an apartment in college, my dad sent me to Sears in Oklahoma City, where I was in school. My instructions were to choose a reasonably priced bedroom furniture set and open a credit card in my name to pay off over the year. He taught me the importance of establishing and protecting credit with good habits. Each month, he’d check to see if I made the payment.

 

KNOW THE VALUE OF A 1:1 CAR RIDE WITH YOUR KIDS

In high school, before I could drive, my dad picked me up a couple of days a week, took me to the dance studio, returned to his office to work, and then picked me back up from dance at 8:30 pm that evening.  We’d usually get McDonald’s on the way home.  It was about a 30-minute drive to the studio and a 45-minute drive across Mobile Bay back to our house.  He never complained about doing this, and looking back, the 1:1 car rides were our time to get to know each other.

 

THE LITTLE THINGS MATTER

My dad was big on acts of service.  He would visit us and ask for a to-do list. At some point, he’d usually disappear and return with our cars detailed.  He always carried the luggage.  It seems a little silly, but it was a nice thing he always did.  He was a gentleman.  I could see how much it hurt him not to be able to carry the luggage any longer when he got sick.

 

LET THEM

 I’m positive my dad thought I was crazy when I moved to New York after college, but he let me and supported me in my dreams. Letting our kids take risks is so hard, but it's 100% necessary.  

 

BET ON YOURSELF & DON’T UNDERESTIMATE GRIT AND DETERMINATION

My dad worked at Good Year Tires before I was born. After hours, he learned the fastener business. He bet on himself and started his own company with my uncle. They ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Frito Pies. Not long after they opened the business, Hurricane Frederick hit the area and took the roof off their offices/ warehouse. This devastating disaster turned out to be the event that allowed them to get the business firmly off the ground as the demand for screws and bolts skyrocketed when rebuilding was underway. Today, the company that those two started, Threaded Fasteners, Inc., has 17 locations across seven states… because they bet on themselves, worked hard, and had a lot of grit and determination.

 

WHITE TABLECLOTHS ARE OVERRATED

The best food is usually from a hole-in-the-wall seafood or BBQ shack.

 

BE INVESTED IN YOUR CHILD’S CLOSEST FRIENDS

My dad tried to get to know and spend time with our friends and cousins growing up. After he passed, I could feel the impact he had on them. They all had their own stories and memories to share with me. Be invested.

 

HAVE A ‘THING’

My dad wasn’t the life of the party.  I’m pretty sure he hated small talk with strangers unless he could talk to them about motorcycles, fishing, or golf.  But at some point, he got his hands on this Bloody Mary recipe (Cheryl’s Bloody Marys).   He made them at every family gathering.   It became his thing. We will forever think of him when we see a Bloody Mary (and we’ll know he probably could have made a better one).

 

WORK TO LIVE

I learned from my dad that spending time doing the things you love is essential.  He was unapologetically passionate about his hobbies – playing golf, fishing when we were kids, and riding his motorcycle up in the Blue Ridge Mountains with his buddies.  He started new things; he was always curious, a project person.  The job was a means to do the things that he loved.

 

BE A DEFENSIVE DRIVER & HAVE AAA

There are a lot of bad drivers out there, and you never know when you’ll need help on the road.

LIVE BENEATH YOUR MEANS

He didn’t pay for lawn care and landscaping services until he could no longer care for it himself.  If he could do it himself, why would he pay someone?

 

ALWAYS HAVE A LITTLE ‘WALKING AROUND MONEY’

You never know when you’ll need a little cash.  He never let me leave without ‘a little walking around money.’

 

KNOW THE POWER OF MUSIC

Music can heal, transport, bring back memories, and more.  My dad was a big fan of The Traveling Wilburys (and all of the band members individually), Jimmy Buffett, and Rod Stewart.  He knew everything about the artists, the stories behind the music, and more.  He played these songs over and over and over again and taught us everything he knew about them.  Hearing their songs instantly transports me to family vacations, after-school car rides, family gatherings, and boat rides.  

 

Cheers to all the dads in the neighborhood building a legacy for their kids. You are so important—keep up the good work!