Love and Marriage
February is the month of Love, with Valentine’s Day coming right in the middle of it. It has become a billion-dollar holiday with cards, candy, flowers, and even diamonds becoming gifts to loved ones. Long-term marriages sometimes are the result, and we have many of those right here in Sandestin. I asked around and tried to find out some answers as to what enables long-term marriages. Thousands of books have been written about this subject, so you will find nothing original here, just good common sense.
Without identifying who said what, I’ll list some of the responses received and you can decide if any of them fit you if you have a long-term marriage. For the purposes of this study, I define "long-term" as over 30 years. Sometimes that includes even the second marriage. These are in no particular order:
- Financial management. This is especially tricky when both spouses earn a different amount of money or come with inherited money. The temptation is for each to think of their income as “mine” which "I can spend any way I want". The most successful marriages seem to decide that they have created a partnership, and all the money goes in the same pot and decisions about spending are made mutually.
- Religion. Mixed religious marriages have a difficult time. It just creates another issue when it can be avoided by marrying someone who believes as you do. Having said that, I had an uncle and aunt who went to separate churches every Sunday of their marriage and they stayed married for over 50 years.
- Humor. Many couples say that they stay together because they use humor to entertain one another, not to degrade or make fun of each other. If there is much laughter in a marriage, it just creates a great atmosphere. Funny, not sarcastic, humor can defuse awkward situations and keep disagreements to a minimum.
- Raising children. Happy marriages seem to agree on how to raise children. If parents have different values and styles, the kids pick up on that quickly and learn to turn it to their benefit. One parent can’t be strict while the other is lenient. Paying attention to the kids without being a “helicopter” parent is difficult, but easier when both agree on a proper path.
- Being considerate of the other. One should not get their way all the time or win all the arguments. Just saying “please” and “thank you” is important. Thinking of the other’s feelings and sometimes subjugating your own is the best way to get along. Marriage is not a competition. Learn to enjoy the other’s successes and to help them deal with life’s failures.
Every couple has their own magic for a long-term marriage, but these are the ones mentioned the most that I heard. Happy Valentine’s Day!